The Boredom is Palpable

Maybe I have a much more boring life than I originally thought... or maybe originally hoped.

I have yet to find a job. I feel like I should be getting paid to go on interviews, as it seems that I have at least one every day. Of course, I guess, in a way, I am getting paid just to breathe, as I am reaping the benefits of government generosity. I digress. Over and over again, I hear back:

"We thank you for coming in, but we've decided to go a different route. Good luck in your job search."

I actually had a guy call me today, instead of send the conventional e-mail.
Andrew, why did you call? Did you want to hear my voice drop? My stomach twist and turn and my heart fall to the floor, once again, as I wonder (and usually aloud) what, exactly, I'm going to do? Andrew, do you enjoy being a part of my pain? I imagine you probably do. You seemed like such a nice guy this morning... And I'm going to be honest, Andrew, I'd rather hear that I suck and I'm not going to get the job, instead of hearing you tell me that you will call me back to schedule a second interview, then call me back telling me I'm not what you're looking for. Man up, Andrew. Grow some balls, then let's talk project management.

Ah, the frustration has set in, I suppose. I apologize, Andrew. I'm sure you're a nice dude. Excuse me while I over-react.

I think... no, I fear... mostly, that the problem is simple: I'm just bored. The words "bored", "bore", "boring" or "boredom" are all terribly unappealing to me. The thought of being a boring person-- having nothing interesting or useful to contribute to conversation, relationships, someone else's life-- it's honestly a pretty appalling trait to me. The thought that I'm bored in one of the greatest cities in the world really sends me into spins... there's no way this is New York's fault.

Boring people are bored. I remember hearing that phrase relentlessly when I was growing up. Of course, I grew up in small-town Mississippi, where children really do become bored out of their minds during summer break. So much so, that they resort to disastrous children's games, such as racing to see who can kill the most fire ants using only a magnifying glass and the heat of the sun in the middle of July. Ant annihilation does not equal boredom. The point is, we inevitably found ways to entertain ourselves, usually at the expense of the babysitter, and we persevered... isn't there a lesson to be learned here?

I've strayed from my initial subject, which, if you can't tell by this point, I tend to do often... and that can be applied to every aspect of my life, by the way.

I want a job terribly, and I'm not really sure what I'm doing wrong that is preventing me from becoming employed, considering I was offered two jobs within two weeks of moving here one year ago... but I'm scared that my frustration, desperation, boredom is all shining through in my interviews... where's that strong-willed, positive and motivated person I speak of in my cover letter? I might resort to begging tomorrow... at least by the second one.

If I don't get out of this rut soon, I'm destined for disaster.

I apologize to my readers who expect an epic post each time I write. Unfortunately, my life has taken an arid turn, and I can barely scrounge enough emotion out to write a boring post about boredom.

Hang in there, I'll be back soon.

xxM